27.10.2018
It was indeed refreshing to be away from the hustle and bustle of the city life for the first time in 6 months. Even when I realize that Berlin is probably the quietest and peaceful a city can get, the suffocation was really bothering me. The first drive, despite being a short one, was so special. The calm and peace of German country-side seemed somewhat addictive even for the brief time that I spent there. No better place for a rehab to be.
Eduardo has been in the rehab for more than 10 months and if I hadn’t already known his story, I wouldn’t have taken him for a recovering addict. That was a day I stood in awe for the wonders that love could do in this world. Yes, he has made a drastic progress. He has developed a very positive outlook towards life and he is very hopeful about a colorful life ahead of him. But sadly the drugs have done the damages already and he is as vulnerable as the other kids in the street. It is probably only a matter of, him, getting fed up of the whole program and deciding to get out of the safety and care of the rehab.
All of us might know one Eduardo in our lives and there might be something that we all could do about them rather than being just indifferent. Maybe, a simple baby step would be to stop glorifying and making them feel like the ‘cool dudes’ with stories and narrations. Asking your friend to smoke one joint less might actually make a difference in their life.
19.06.2021
Re-visited the note today, because there happened to be some conversations where addictions and substance abuse were the themes. I had met Eduardo a couple of times over the years after he had left the rehab. Even then, I really don’t know what is up with him these days. I only had small talks with him and never really tried to follow up with other people on his whereabouts and condition. I was (still am) anxious about his vulnerability and didn’t really want to hear anything that I dreaded. This way, irrespective of what may be the reality, the images of Eduardo in my head are from the walks that we took around the woods in Nauen, the ones from our uno game sessions. He had forgotten about me by the time we met again last year. I had to re-introduce myself to him.
I generally don’t forget faces. Especially the ones like Eduardo’s because his is not the first such face in my life. I was always surrounded by people throwing charades, chasing after intoxicants that gave them the momentarily euphoria. I grew up watching people who threw everything, that mattered, away as the soul purpose of their life was just about getting drunk. It is true that we develop our perspectives based on what we see and experience in our lives and that is probably why it wasn’t that difficult for me to quit everything. Well, on that note, I never really drank enough to be considered a regular drinker as I always drank only in social circles for the company. As I contemplated on whether or not to quit, I was being driven to a decision by the faces that flashed in my head and oh boy!, the child in me must have had too much of reality to handle growing up. I was pretty sure, four years ago, that the momentary fun and pleasure that the intoxicants had to offer was not worth the families that it had broken or the people that they snatched away from life too soon. And today, four years later, I am convinced that I had made the right decision.
My decision was not out of a fear of losing control over my habits. I know that I am strong enough to maintain that control. My decision was just because I knew that I didn’t need them to experience life!
In hindsight, I realize that my decision had made me become true to myself, to truly be in the moments, to truly be with the people.Today, I celebrate life! I carry Eduardo along with some other friends, and people that I know in my daily prayers. God can work miracles! I pray that people get the wisdom to realize how precious their life is, before they throw it away, before they think about lighting that first joint.
15.03.2023
What I dreaded finally became a reality. Eduardo left us last year. In September. He was found dead in his apartment. I hope the memories of that warm tight hug that you gave me, when we last met, would live forever. For some reason, I had decided to not tell you that I would be moving to Munich in a couple of weeks. Can’t remember why.
When you stroll down those golden meadows, soaked in the warmth of the evening sun, may you finally find the peace that was so foreign to you here on earth
As you walk along those dancing streams and listen to its music, may you finally enjoy a genuine happiness; and this time, know it is real
The stroll shall end in the Father’s tight embrace, and you will know that you finally have everything that matters
God bless your soul kid!