Author: codredd

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Acceptance in Christ

“Oh, God, give us courage to change what must be altered, will to accept what cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other”

This is a personal philosophy developed over the last 7-8 years.

Tightly coupled with my own faith story

This is not a theological document but rather something that started off as a simple thought that evolved throughout my faith journey. I was fortunate enough to be born into a family of faith and be surrounded by many people who practiced it with conviction. However, I started exploring the true meaning and beauty of my Catholic faith only around 2016. Prior to that, while I still believed in Jesus and most of the Catholic theology, I was still in a great level of disagreement with a lot of the church teachings.

My own personal journey of acceptance started around 2016 after I realized why the catechism speaks of certain things in certain ways. I started to understand why the church allows certain things, enables certain things, encourages certain things, and at the same time, prohibit certain things.

Why was this realization so important to me around that year? It was important to me because it helped me understand that the teachings of the church were true even when I did not comprehend them. They were true even when I disagreed with them. The only difference between the period before and after that realization was the fact that my heart was suddenly free of a thousand conflicts that it was fighting within. On one hand, there was this strong urge to accept Christ but on the other hand I wanted to follow my own version of faith that suited me the best. I was not accepting my call to obedience and did not accept the teachings of the church that hold true irrespective of time and irrespective of my understanding.

Eventually, I realized that not accepting something that was true, something that could not and should not be changed, caused a lot of turmoil in my heart. When I started to accept that reality, there was peace in my heart. I wondered if there were other things in my life that caused frustration in my heart simply because I was not ready to accept a reality. I wondered if I was causing myself pain simply by trying to control things that I was not supposed to control in my life. I wondered if there were other things that God allowed in my life that I was unwilling to accept.

I wondered if there were God given crosses in my life that I found too heavy to carry.

This talk is about the connection between our – despair, hopelessness, frustration, unhappiness, and inevitably the lack of peace in our heart – to our unwillingness to accept the circumstances that God allows in our lives.

Areas in life that requires acceptance

As I started to explore areas in life where I remained too stubborn to accept a reality, I figured that one can apply the “Acceptance philosophy” to pretty much all aspects of our lives. The logic is quite simple: there is something that frustrates me because it is not the way I want it to be, I try to fix/change it, it doesn’t work, it continues to frustrate me.  I mean, just think about it; you are at a movie theatre to watch film that your friend picked. It turns out that the film is not in your taste. Either you can be frustrated in your head by thinking about your excellent taste in films or adopt the acceptance philosophy and consider the fact that the friend wanted to do something together with you. For the interest of time (and our attention span 😉 ), I will try to focus on some core areas.

I thought about making “suffering” the first category but then immediately realized that it is the only category where people will need some help in “accepting” their circumstances. I can’t imagine someone finding it difficult to accept a million dollars jackpot that they accidentally won. So, I started to think about subcategories under suffering.

We will only look at some examples of the areas where we are called to accept some realities that we don’t really appreciate.

Materialistic struggles (finance, job, vocation etc.)

We are in constant struggle to make money, find a fulfilling job, to identify our right vocation. If I am committing most of my time and energy to attaining a materialistic fulfillment and if I don’t succeed; it might mean that God wants me to commit it all elsewhere. Making money and getting rich is in no way bad or evil. If God doesn’t want to make you but someone else rich, you got to accept that as a reality.

God has seen a purpose for my materialistic sufferings.

Health

Health is an area where most people seem to get anxious. People are not willing to accept even the slightest pain in their lives. Everyone is always complaining about a pain here, a pain there, and how miserable their life is. We can all think of a “Pity-party” waling amoung our midst.There might be some areas of health in our lives that is painful to accept. We still have to accept it if that is what God is allowing in our lives.

God has seen a purpose in my health sufferings

Family

We all love our families. I love my family too. I absolutely do. If I were given an option by God to choose a family, I would still choose the one that I was born into without a single exception for any of the immediate and extended family member. I would not ask for any change. However, it doesn’t mean that my family is perfect. It in no way means that it is even halfway close to being perfect. Not even 10%. There have been occasions when I thought to myself: “God, please put me in a different circus. Tired of this one”. And I am not even kidding. There might be at least one or two people here that might understand what I am saying. In spite of the frustrations that I might have with my family, I do realize that my family is a gracious blessing that my Father in Heaven gifted me. Some of us might even have childhood wounds inflicted on us by our family. It might be impossible for some of us to even imagine a reconciliation with their family. The acceptance philosophy still encourages to do so.

“True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the pain, the degradation, the truth… It is worthwhile, because in the end dealing with the real situation helps to bring real healing.”

– Desmond Tutu, Anglican Bishop

Should I focus on the shortcomings of my family and be bitter about it all my life, or simply accept the fact that this is the family that God decided to put me in? I choose the latter because God has intended a purpose for me in this family. If it is not immediately clear to me, He will reveal what purpose He has for me in this particular family that I was born into. This can also apply to friendship, relationships, and people in our lives

At the job

At least some of us are constantly thinking about climbing the ladder at our career. Celebration for the last promotion probably didn’t last long enough because we are already working towards getting the next one. Some of us even want to be the CEO and probably even believe that we would do a better job at the position. Who are we kidding right?

Do we take a moment to discern whether God wants us to become the CEO? If God wanted me to be a mid level worker at my company, the core of my heart will churn in turmoil if I somehow fought my way up to become CEO. That is not because I am being punished by God but because I don’t have what it takes to be one. It only means that I tried to choose my own cross and it turned out to be heavier than what I could handle.

At Family

Do we want to be someone in our family that doesn’t really suit our identity? Parents might seek and value our sibling’s opinion more than ours, and are we trying for that to change?

At church

Do we want to be the lead singer instead of being just a member of the choir?

Do we want to be the leader of the faith group instead of being just a member?

In the post-modern reality

Do we want to be a woman despite being born a man? Do we want to be a man despite being born a woman? Do we want to deny that God intended a purpose for our sexuality?

Do we want to deny the fact that the previous generation aren’t a bunch of selfish boomers and that we are all standing on their shoulders?

What does it all point at?

If we look closely at the examples, we might come across a problem that is common to all of them.

“In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory” – Ephesians 1: 11-12

The underlying cause behind our hesitance to accept our realities is our ignorance of the fact that God has a purpose for each one of us. He doesn’t want to allow something in our lives that will deviate us from that purpose

  • If being rich means deviating from that purpose, God doesn’t want to let that happen
  • If being financially stable means deviating that purpose, financial struggles will follow a good Christian throughout his life.
  • If God wants to allow diseases in one’s life in order to fulfil their purpose, accept that disease with an open hand and smiling lips because you are being called for the praise of His glory through that disease (Talk about Tomy uncle’s father)
  • If your family is getting on to even the last of your nerves, offer them to God and ask Him for the strength. God wants you with them for their redemption and your purification
  • If your colleague was chosen over you for a promotion, irrespective of you trying everything you could to be a good employee, understand that God wants you in that position

If you had been trying real hard to change a circumstance in your life with all your ability, and all your devotion, and all your commitment; and if nothing still changes, realize that God is telling you something

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting”

– Psalm 139: 23-24

God uses the circumstances of life – relations we cannot fix, questions we cannot answer and problems we cannot solve – to expose the conditions of our hearts.

-Unbound, Neal Lozano

If certain things cannot be changed, let them be. God is working with it. God has a plan.

“This interior reality of each person is frequently concealed behind a great deal of “foliage”, which makes it difficult for us not only to understand ourselves, but even more to know others: “The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse, who can understand it?” (Jer 17:9). We can understand, then, the advice of the Book of Proverbs: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life; put away from you crooked speech” (4:23-24). Mere appearances, dishonesty and deception harm and pervert the heart. Despite our every attempt to appear as something we are not, our heart is the ultimate judge, not of what we show or hide from others, but of who we truly are. It is the basis for any sound life project; nothing worthwhile can be undertaken apart from the heart. False appearances and untruths ultimately leave us empty-handed.”

– DILEXIT NOS

Acceptance through the eyes of the Scriptures and Catechism

Scripture shows us plenty of examples for people trying to take control of their lives where they ought to give God the control. Scripture also shows us through examples the importance of Acceptance of circumstances that God allows

  • Adam & Eve
    • Refusal to accept their identity. They wanted to be like God. Tried to take control
    • Result: misery and pain
  • Cane
    • Refusal to accept his calling to offer the best fruit of his work to God. Refusal to accept God’s favour on his brother
    • Result: Evil, pain, & misery
  • Kings: From Saul, through David, to Solomon
    • Took things into their own hands too often, disobeyed God, sinned
    • Despite having profound experiences of God in their lives, they rejected the God’s calling very often. Refusal to accept their identity
    • Result: God’s wrath on Israel
  • People of Israel
    • Refusal to accept the Messiah
    • Result: we all know how it ended
  • Judas Iscariot
    • Refused to accept his role, took things into his own hands, he wanted to make more money
    • Result: I haven’t felt sorrier for anyone else in the bible than Judas

Have we got only negative examples from the Scripture? Of, course not

  • Job
    • What an amazing man. At the pinnacle of his suffering, he tells his friends “God gave, and God has taken, May His name be praised”
  • Fast forward to the beginning of Christian era
    • Mother Mary accepts God’s will and doesn’t get anxious even for a second
    • We were all saved because a young woman accepted God’s will 2000 years ago in a middle eastern society with a tribal mindset. Was it only bravery or was there also faith?

How to “accept”?

We might be able to write essays on the need for acceptance and even poetry about its beauty. But how do we bring it to practice? This is where we have the beautiful example of Jesus.

God became man in order to redeem us with His blood. He wasn’t just showing us the powers of divinity but rather what it means to carry that heavy cross and pursue the will of the Father in Heaven as man with flesh and bone and emotions and desires and temptations and pain and suffering.

Jesus was 100% a HUMAN BEING as He was God. What does that mean? He went through all experiences in his life as any other human being just like you and me. He was vulnerable to suffering, vulnerable to temptations, He was vulnerable enough to get stressed out to the point that He asks the heavenly Father to take away the chalice if possible. He was vulnerable enough to be on the verge of giving up on His cross. He went through the extremities of suffering and pain to show mankind that none of us would be given a cross that we wouldn’t be able to carry.

Jesus promises to be by our side when we carry our own crosses, He promises to lend us all a hand with those crosses. Let us not worry about them, let us not be sad about them, let us not abandon them.

As Epistle of James says:

“Consider all trials and temptations as joy, my brothers, …for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance”

– James 1:2

“If God has left a thorn in our flesh” – 2 Corinthians 12:7 . It is only so that we have a reminder of our purpose with us

Let us bloom where we are planted!

Acceptance Vs Resignation

As Christian life demands, we all have to be prudent in our lives. Do not mistake Acceptance with Resignation. Resignation is the state of mind where we believe that everything is fate and there is nothing, we can do about it. The guy who got only one talent is a good example for this. God does not find favor with a person who buries the only talent they have got. They still need to work with it because Jesus says that

“For everyone who has, more will be given, and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.”

– Matthew 25: 29

We should always strive to change/improve the things that we can change. It becomes a problem only if we dwell on something despite getting signals that it is not really in our control. It leads us to idolizing our problems.

The serenity prayer by protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr should be our discernment motto:

“Oh, God, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and insight to know the one from the other.”

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BIBLE: The Shield Of Light

Once a couple were discussing about who should make coffee in the morning

The wife said to the husband, “You should do it because you get up first.”

The husband said, “You’re always the one in charge of the kitchen. You should do it!”

The wife replied, “No, you should do it. Besides, it’s in the Bible.”

The husband scratched his head and said , “I never knew that. Please show me.”

So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament, and showed him.

At the top of several pages, it indeed said, “HEBREWS”. (Stolen from www.slmedia.org )

Make scripture reading a habit so that nobody tricks you into brewing coffee for them 😉

Joke aside, scripture reading is crucial to building a healthy Christian life. To understand the significance of this habit, we need to have an understanding of what scripture is.

We discussed in the past the “Philosophy of Acceptance” and ended it with an open question : “How do we practice this philosophy in real life?”.  I am aiming to give you a more concrete answer to that question through this writing. We will become capable of practicing the Philosophy of Acceptance by making scripture reading a habit of our lives. Fruit of regular scripture reading is the “Peace that God leaves with us, the peace that He wants to give us” (John 14:27)

“Had your law not been my delight,

I would have perished in my affliction”.

– Psalms 119:92

What is the purpose of Christian life? What does it mean when we say that we are Christians? What would be our answer if a non-believer asked us that question? Probably, the most suitable answer to that question is to say: “to follow the will of God”. Because, following the will of God is to follow His way, and His way will take you to His kingdom. Everything that we do here on earth must serve that purpose. And once we are committed to this purpose, we shall be at peace with everything that life throws at us. That commitment is a gift of God, that peace is a gift of God.

What does this peace mean? 

I invite you to consider a slum. A slum is naturally not a pretty sight to imagine. You might think about the shabby and dirty households, spilling sewage, and probably the stench too. Imagine such a crowded slum but you are noticing a small house that stands out in stark contrast to the  other houses around it. Even though small, this particular house is still pleasing to look at. There is nothing extraordinary about it, but it still catches your eyes, and you realize that it is pretty. The owner has kept it well maintained within the available means. It is only as big as the houses next to it, but it is neatly painted, roof is tiled, floors are dusted, pots with thriving plants are kept in front of the house. Despite the circumstances that it finds itself in, it has defined its own identity of beauty. A Christian life should also work like this; it should thrive and blossom in whatever circumstance it finds itself in. A life rooted in the inner peace that only God can offer. A peace that is achieved at the fullness of Christian life.

What is the fullness of Christian life?

Pope Benedict 16th said that Holiness is the fullness of Christian life. And he defined holiness in such a way:

“Holiness, the fullness of Christian life, does not consist in carrying out extraordinary enterprises but in being united with Christ, in living his mysteries, in making our own his example, his thoughts, his behavior. The measure of holiness stems from the stature that Christ achieves in us, in as much as with the power of the Holy Spirit, we model our whole life on his.”

– General Audience 13.04.2011

Going by the analogy of the house, we don’t have to be a mansion in a prime location to appear beautiful. We can be a dwelling in a humble neighborhood and still appear extraordinarily pleasing. We can achieve the holiness, and thus the fullness of Christian life, in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. This mindset is not something that we can achieve through physical effort. This peace of mind is a Grace that God gifts us in his infinite mercy. This flow of mercy begins with the Word. The one who seeks out the word seeks out Christ. They will be led to Christ. This journey starts with the Scripture. Hence, the compulsion to convince you all to build a habit of it so that you you may seek Christ through the scripture and receive the peace that He wants to gift you.

Is reading The Bible necessary? 

Do we really need to make a habit of reading the scripture in order to achieve this? The Bible as we see it today did not exist in the early churches. The new testament books were formed and copied decades later. Even after getting a shape and a form, the Bible didn’t really reach a significant majority of early Christians and yet they presumably lived a holy and content life rooted in faith. Moreover, even before they had their hands on “Bible”, they were subjected to torment and suffering and they endured it all with a smile on their face and peace in their heart. In the light of this, how can we argue that it is absolutely necessary for a Christian to make a habit of scripture reading? 

To be ignorant of the Scripture is to not know Christ (St. Jerome)

St. Jerome, the patron saint of Scripture studies famously asserted that the “ignorance of Scripture is the ignorance of Christ” . 

Why is the ignorance of scripture, ignorance of Christ? 

“The relationship between the Risen Lord, the community of believers, and the sacred Scripture is essential to our identity as Christians… without the Scriptures, the events of the mission of Jesus and of His church in this world would remain incomprehensible…The Bible, as sacred Scripture, thus speaks of Christ and proclaims him as the one who had to endure suffering and then enter into his glory (cf. v. 26). Not simply a part, but the whole of Scripture speaks of Christ. Apart from the Scriptures, his death and resurrection cannot be rightly understood. That is why one of the most ancient confessions of faith stressed that “Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas” (1Cor15:3-5). Since the Scriptures everywhere speak of Christ, they enable us to believe that his death and resurrection are not myth but history, and are central to the faith of his disciples.”

– Excerpts from Aperuit Illis, Apostolic Letter by Pope Francis on 30th September 2019

How could we follow and imitate Christ if we do not understand Him? How could we understand Him if we live in ignorance of the Scriptures?

Bible is full of examples of people who, despite first hand experiences, failed to understand who Christ was. On the way to Emmaus, Jesus uses harsh language to the disciples who didn’t recognize him after resurrection 

“Before encountering his disciples, gathered behind closed doors, and opening their minds to the understanding of the Scriptures (cf. Lk 24:44-45), the risen Lord appeared to two of them on the road to Emmaus from Jerusalem (cf. Lk 24:13-35). Saint Luke’s account notes that this happened on the very day of his resurrection, a Sunday. The two disciples were discussing the recent events concerning Jesus’ passion and death. Their journey was marked by sorrow and disappointment at his tragic death. They had hoped that he would be the Messiah who would set them free, but they found themselves instead confronted with the scandal of the cross. The risen Lord himself gently draws near and walks with them, yet they do not recognize him (cf. v. 16). Along the way, he questions them, and, seeing that they have not grasped the meaning of his passion and death, he exclaims: “O foolish men, and slow of heart” (v. 25). Then, “beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he interpreted to them the things about himself in all the Scriptures” (v.27). Christ is the first exegete! Not only did the Old Testament foretell what he would accomplish, but he himself wished to be faithful to its words, in order to make manifest the one history of salvation whose fulfillment is found in Christ.”

– Excerpts from Aperuit Illis, Apostolic Letter by Pope Francis on 30th September 2019

Their expectations put them in sorrow and disappointment. They didn’t grasp the meaning of Christ. They had not grasped the Scriptures. They were not prepared to accept the realities of their lives. One could say that the disciples were not in the school of acceptance philosophy (pun intended)

The argument that the Bible did not exist in the early church becomes irrelevant here because the early church had first hand encounters with Jesus. It also had preachers who had authoritative knowledge on His life. Besides, they also had access to the Old Testament.

In the beginning was the Word,

And the Word was with God,

And the Word was God”

John 1:1

The Fruits 

Personal

I started reading Bible regularly after Fr. Mike Schmitz started BIY Podcast. I used to read Bible prior to that after my daily rosaries but it didn’t amount to reading Bible with a “thirst” . Even when I started the regular reading, it was very academic as in I was trying to rationalize everything I was reading. The regular reading sort of stopped after around 130 days and I didn’t pick up again for a really long time. 

Couple of years ago I read this book in my mother tongue and the passion of the author for the scripture moved me. The author was Hindu but I could see that God had revealed to the author so much and I believe that it was because of his surrender to the God and openness to the Scripture. In his own words “He yearns to be the servant of this tabernacle of truth” . I was motivated to restart my Bible reading but it wouldn’t happen until a year later. There was a slight difference this time that I was no longer reading the Bible with an academic interest but with a desire to listen to the God’s voice. Shortly after I restarted my BIY, I stumbled upon YouTube playlists of an Indian priest who has dedicated his mission to explaining the Bible to common people. I believe this was the very first gift for me because I received a lot of understanding through his preaching videos

“Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures”

Luke 24:45

One thing that this priest keeps emphasizing on is that the only thing we need to do in our life is to seek Christ and everything else that is needed in our lives will be provided. And to seek Christ, we shall come to the Scriptures. Even though I started listening to his videos only a few months after I restarted the scripture reading, I could already relate to what he was conveying. I had felt a cloud clear over my mind in things concerning my work just a few months into the new habit. I had struggled for around 3 years at my current job but things have been better by several degrees since last year. I was no longer able to understand even simple things that used to be really easy for me in the past and I was even at a point of thinking about quitting my job and quitting software engineering altogether.

Another fruit that I continue to experience are the ways in which God is giving me clarity in faith related things. To give a specific example, reading from the book of Isaiah suddenly revealed to me that the prophecies about Jesus was always there in front of my eyes. 

Vellathooval Stephen

He was a communist terrorist from our hometown state in India and was involved in the guerrilla movement that terrorized many parts of central and southern India in the 80s and 90s and early 2000s. While incarcerated in jail for a police station attack and murder of cops, Stephen picked up a Bible belonging to his cell mate and fellow guerrilla Philip Prasad. The Bible touched Stephen and he experienced a conversion of his heart. By the time he had finished his sentence, he was a changed man and had abandoned the path of violence. He spent his later life for social causes and evangelization.  A few years before he passed away, he gave a very detailed interview to a tv channel in our language detailing his life as a guerrilla and explaining why he was terribly wrong in the path that he chose. 

Bali Nine 

Bali 9 is the story of 9 drug Australian strugglers arrested in Indonesia. It might sound like a morbid story but the end of it was an amazing testimony of God’s grace given to those who are seeking it. The alleged leaders of the group Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran were executed along with 6 other prisoners who were also facing death penalty for drug trafficking. Chan and Sukumaran had turned to the Bible while on death row and converted to Christianity in the jail. Their conversion was no small feat. They had repented the mistakes of their youth and developed a mindset to focus on the present. They were grateful even on the face of a certain and imminent death waiting for them. They trained fellow prisoners in skills and personality development, preached, and always held an air of positivity around them. They walked to the execution range with no fear on their face after having consoled their families. They refused to be blindfolded, and faced the firing squad while singing “Amazing Grace” . They had found God in the scriptures and the God gave them solace in their final moments.

What does the Church say about the need for the habit of Scripture reading?

The Church says, go read your Bible darn it!

No, seriously. There is a misconception that Catholics are not encouraged to religiously read the scriptures. Partially this misconception can be attributed to the defense against the protestant argument of sola scriptura. Catholics hold Tradition and Scripture with reverence.  However, to say that Catholics are not encouraged by the church to read the Scripture is terribly wrong.

Beginning with the pontificate of Pope Leo XIII, there have been a lot of measures intended at an increased awareness of the importance of the word of  God and the study of the Bible in the life of the Church. This lead to the specific promulgation of the Dogmatic Constitution on Divine Revelation Dei Verbum. Pope Leo XIII wrote an encyclical, named Providentissimus Deus, on the study of the Holy Scripture. While speaking in lengths about the virtues and gifts of the Scriptures, he invites all the faithful to get into the habit of Scripture reading.

“There are not a few Catholics, men of talent and learning, who do devote themselves with ardor to the defense of the sacred writings and making them better known and understood. . . . We cannot but earnestly exhort others also, from whose skill and piety and learning we have a right to expect good results, to give themselves to the same praiseworthy work. It is our wish and fervent desire to see an increase in the number of the approved and persevering laborers for the cause of Holy Scripture”

– Excerpts from Providentissimus Deus, Encyclical of Pope Leo XIII, 18th November 1893 

“The Church has always venerated the divine Scriptures just as she venerates the body of the Lord, since, especially in the sacred liturgy, she unceasingly receives and offers to the faithful the bread of life from the table both of God’s word and of Christ’s body… for in the sacred books, the Father who is in heaven meets His children with great love and speaks with them; and the force and power in the word of God is so great that it stands as the support and energy of the Church, the strength of faith for her sons, the food of the soul, the pure and everlasting source of spiritual life… it has power to build you up and give you your heritage among all those who are sanctified (Acts 20:32; see 1 Thess. 2:13)”

– Excerpts from Dei Verbum, Vatican II

In continuation to the spirit of these intentions, Pope Benedict XVI called a synod of bishops in 2008 on ‘The Word of God in the Life and Mission of the Church”, and issued the Apostolic Exhortation ‘Verbum Domini’ in which he invites the faithful to study with reverence the Holy Scriptures

“Indeed, the Church is built upon the word of God; she is born from and lives by that word. Throughout its history, the People of God has always found strength in the word of God, and today too the ecclesial community grows by hearing, celebrating and studying that word”

– Excerpts from Verbum Domini, Apostolic Exhortation by Pope Benedict XVI

Pope Francis took it a step further and instituted the Third Sunday in Ordinary Time of the liturgical year devoted to the celebration, study, and dissemination of the word of God.

Practical tips on reading the Bible

Always use a book mark 😉 

“Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures”

Luke 24:45

Our efforts will be futile if God doesn’t open our minds to understand what He wants to tell us. Therefore, we must approach the scriptures with a prayerful heart and a thirst to hear His voice. 

“Who is able to understand, Lord, all the richness of even one of your words? There is more that eludes us than what we can understand. We are like the thirsty drinking from a fountain. Your word has as many aspects as the perspectives of those who study it. The Lord has colored his word with diverse beauties, so that those who study it can contemplate what stirs them. He has hidden in his word all treasures, so that each of us may find a richness in what he or she contemplates”

– St. Ephrem

The Pharisees and Sadducees in the time of Jesus were academically well versed in the Scripture, and yet they failed to grasp the reality of Jesus in their times. This was also true in the case of disciples. Many of them had their mind so closed that it took them a while even after resurrection to see the Reality of Christ.

Academic Curiosity in itself is not a bad thing.  For, well learned academics can be assets to the mother church. Pope Leo XIII invites the faithful in this direction

“A man who is well grounded in the testimonies of the Scripture is the bulwark of the Church.”And if we come to morality and discipline, an apostolic man finds in the sacred writings abundant and excellent assistance; most holy precepts, gentle and strong exhortation, splendid examples of every virtue, and finally the promise of eternal reward and the threat of eternal punishment, uttered in terms of solemn import, in God’s name and in God’s own words.”

It is probably the best to study the Bible under counsel so that we do not fall into the pitfalls of opening our minds to an over reliance on our intellect and thus closing it to the grace of God. 

“…In earlier times the contest was chiefly with those who, relying on private judgment and repudiating the divine traditions and teaching office of the Church, held the Scriptures to be the one source of revelation and the final appeal in matters of Faith. Now, we have to meet the Rationalists, true children and inheritors of the older heretics, who, trusting in their turn to their own way of thinking, have rejected even the scraps and remnants of Christian belief which had been handed down to them. “

– Excerpts from Providentissimus Deus, Encyclical of Pope Leo XIII, 18th November 1893

Conclusion

Through the habit of an open minded scripture reading, we will be able to accept the grace of the revelation and God will speak with us. We will understand Christ and His mission. We will be made capable of imitating Him in our lives and form a mindset around Him.

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Requiem for a Dream!

27.10.2018

It was indeed refreshing to be away from the hustle and bustle of the city life for the first time in 6 months. Even when I realize that Berlin is probably the quietest and peaceful a city can get, the suffocation was really bothering me. The first drive, despite being a short one, was so special. The calm and peace of German country-side seemed somewhat addictive even for the brief time that I spent there. No better place for a rehab to be.


Eduardo has been in the rehab for more than 10 months and if I hadn’t already known his story, I wouldn’t have taken him for a recovering addict. That was a day I stood in awe for the wonders that love could do in this world. Yes, he has made a drastic progress. He has developed a very positive outlook towards life and he is very hopeful about a colorful life ahead of him. But sadly the drugs have done the damages already and he is as vulnerable as the other kids in the street. It is probably only a matter of, him, getting fed up of the whole program and deciding to get out of the safety and care of the rehab.


All of us might know one Eduardo in our lives and there might be something that we all could do about them rather than being just indifferent. Maybe, a simple baby step would be to stop glorifying and making them feel like the ‘cool dudes’ with stories and narrations. Asking your friend to smoke one joint less might actually make a difference in their life.

19.06.2021

Re-visited the note today, because there happened to be some conversations where addictions and substance abuse were the themes. I had met Eduardo a couple of times over the years after he had left the rehab. Even then, I really don’t know what is up with him these days. I only had small talks with him and never really tried to follow up with other people on his whereabouts and condition. I was (still am) anxious about his vulnerability and didn’t really want to hear anything that I dreaded. This way, irrespective of what may be the reality, the images of Eduardo in my head are from the walks that we took around the woods in Nauen, the ones from our uno game sessions. He had forgotten about me by the time we met again last year. I had to re-introduce myself to him. 


I generally don’t forget faces. Especially the ones like Eduardo’s because his is not the first such face in my life. I was always surrounded by people throwing charades, chasing after intoxicants that gave them the momentarily euphoria. I grew up watching people who threw everything, that mattered, away as the soul purpose of their life was just about getting drunk. It is true that we develop our perspectives based on what we see and experience in our lives and that is probably why it wasn’t that difficult for me to quit everything. Well, on that note, I never really drank enough to be considered a regular drinker as I always drank only in social circles for the company. As I contemplated on whether or not to quit, I was being driven to a decision by the faces that flashed in my head and oh boy!, the child in me must have had too much of reality to handle growing up. I was pretty sure, four years ago, that the momentary fun and pleasure that the intoxicants had to offer was not worth the families that it had broken or the people that they snatched away from life too soon. And today, four years later, I am convinced that I had made the right decision. 


My decision was not out of a fear of losing control over my habits. I know that I am strong enough to maintain that control. My decision was just because I knew that I didn’t need them to experience life!


In hindsight, I realize that my decision had made me become true to myself, to truly be in the moments, to truly be with the people.Today, I celebrate life! I carry Eduardo along with some other friends, and people that I know in my daily prayers. God can work miracles! I pray that people get the wisdom to realize how precious their life is, before they throw it away, before they think about lighting that first joint.

15.03.2023

What I dreaded finally became a reality. Eduardo left us last year. In September. He was found dead in his apartment. I hope the memories of that warm tight hug that you gave me, when we last met, would live forever. For some reason, I had decided to not tell you that I would be moving to Munich in a couple of weeks. Can’t remember why.

When you stroll down those golden meadows, soaked in the warmth of the evening sun, may you finally find the peace that was so foreign to you here on earth
As you walk along those dancing streams and listen to its music, may you finally enjoy a genuine happiness; and this time, know it is real
The stroll shall end in the Father’s tight embrace, and you will know that you finally have everything that matters

God bless your soul kid!

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Goa, Finally!

Goa plans are just one of the cliche stories that is part of every young middle class Indian’s life. These stories are the kind that will be carried along in the depths of their hearts for long. I have one such story too.  One, that hasn’t been narrated yet and probably one that is as incidental and incredible as  every other Goan stories. A story that must be told on before the magic of the memories, that once was, starts to fade away. 


It will be tough to imagine a batch of engineering students graduating without ever planning a Goa trip. Whether the plans get executed is only a secondary concern. It was towards the end of second year of college (in the first quarter of 2013), that the thought about a Goa trip first took its shape in our minds and, just like most other Goa plans, the trip got executed only with a different set of people using different modes of transport and in a very different timeline than was originally intended. It was after our first few bike rides that we started thinking about such a plan. We had ridden to Hogenakkal and Coorg and wanted to do something longer and more adventurous. That is when some of our batchmates  went on a Goa trip, rousing our enthusiasm too. Fast forward two years, spontaneous yet solid discussions started surrounding the trip among the group and we were all determined to make it happen this time. With barely three months to spare until the final semester exams, and for college to end, we drove off to Goa to spend a week there. The squad consisted of Jince, Anshu, Cijin, Sandeep, Azaan, Suraj, Vandana, Abin, KV, and Me. My name is in the end because I wasn’t very sure whether I would have been able to make it back then, due to fund issues. If it wasn’t for the handsome pocket money my aunt gave me, I wouldn’t have been a part of this awesome story.


The only thing that we managed to plan in advance was our stay as Suraj did a great job in finding an awesome serviced apartment in Calangute. The rest of the trip was simply a ride, as it was meant to be. We would have started the drive sometime around the afternoon if Cijin didn’t have to drive an extra 40 Kms to go get the papers for his car that he had forgotten the first time. Even with the extra trip, he only managed to get a photo copy of the registration with the insurance papers still missing. It was easy to take a leap of faith and proceed on an interstate drive without insurance papers as the number of people who would understand the implications were a minority. Soon enough, Sandeep’s white Polo and Cijin’s black Innova hit the highways while the sun still shined.


Lack of a proper music system in Cijin’s car didn’t bother us much as there were plenty of nonsense for us to discuss about. For the moments that seemed dragging, Anshu’s bugging was enough to keep me entertained (suck it up Anshu Roy😉 ). We had reached Goa some time before midnight and, as the ritual demands, loaded one or two cartons of Kingfisher into the car as we crossed the borders into the care free land. We headed to Calangute beach straightaway to find a place to have some dinner. We had a minor problem as we didn’t have a place to stay for that night since the serviced apartment would have been available only from the next day. This wasn’t an issue of great concern though, as we were mentally prepared to spend the night at the beach. As a bonus, the shack owners let us use some of their chairs for the night after our dinner. Some of us went for a stroll on the beach while the rest enjoyed the time around the shack.

Shack: The Night

  • God! These kudiyans!
  • #Me is in the air!
  • Ajaan is not high 😉
  • Anshu’s non stop blabber….
  • …Susu’s response


For a beach that is generally swarming with tourists during the day, it was pleasantly quiet and peaceful during the midnight. The chatters of the isolated groups of people, scattered around, never seemed to breach those private spheres. There was no bustling and noise as businesses had pulled down their shutters long ago. In a sharp contrast to its original being during the day, at night, Calangute metamorphosed into several different worlds that existed only in the minds of the perceiver. In some of those worlds, memories were being created while some of those tried to erase them. There was a luring charm to the uncertainty hidden under the darkness of the waters in some of those worlds whereas the rest found them scary and repulsive. In some, the skies were only a continuum of the same waters that covered their feet at that moment. Some of those worlds knew that it was only a deception that was meant to be broken by the first streaks of daylight. Those in that world knew that the flickering lights in the waters didn’t have much in common with those in the sky. Fantasy and reality coexisted peacefully along the beach that night. The only constant in both the worlds was the calming sound of the waves swashing the sands. We had probably downed two bottles of Kingfisher before walking back to the shack. The night continued for a bit longer until our babbling died down. I don’t sympathize on KV for having to put up with the rest of us in a sober state of mind because I am pretty sure that he was enjoying the free entertainment.  


The exhaustion from the long drive and sleeping on chairs didn’t seem to break our spirit as we all got up pretty early in the morning with good energy. Cijin and Azaan, like some savages, headed straight to the sea for a swim while the rest of us hoped to get the apartment keys and get going with the morning business as soon as possible. Thankfully, it didn’t take us long and we were able to get the keys to the apartment on time. For some reason, Hozier’s ‘Take me to church’ had become our trip anthem and the song kept on playing on loop while we were inside the apartment.  I don’t remember who exactly took the initiative to make some noodles for everyone but that decision sped things up a bit. All of us got back to the beach after freshening up. Unlike Cijin and Azaan, the rest of the bunch were not good swimmers but the beach felt safe and fun nevertheless. They were in the deeper waters for most of the time while the rest of us dared venture only up to neck deep waters. There were a couple of moments when we were thrown off by waves and found ourselves dragged into depths where our feet couldn’t feel the ground and we would quickly swim back to safety. Those were obviously the maximum levels of adventure we could afford without troubling the beach guards.

Calangute: First Sunrise


Eventually, the waves grew stronger and we were able to enjoy some playful moments in the shallow waters during the larger waves. Cijin and Azaan too had joined us in the shallows as the waves grew stronger. The waves were large enough to sweep and throw us into the sand, even when we tried to stand against it. Falling down and hurting ourselves was probably the least of our concerns as we were constantly struggling to keep our trousers from falling off. This was a difficult feat as holding on to the trousers while spinning inside the wave would mean less balance and less control while hitting the ground. After some contemplation, I chose the honor of little Johnie over possible bodily injuries and that’s how I ended up scraping my knees several times in the sand. I presume Abin had also made similar choices in his head because he was the only other person who came out of the water with injured knees (as much as I can remember). I had to learn about Azaan’s choices the hard way as both of us got caught in the same wave, which dragged us closer to the shore until knee deep waters. I was still rolling on the ground when I saw Azaan getting up at a short distance facing the beach. I wish I had a choice but the quick turn of events meant that I had to see what I saw. While still thinking about a way to unsee Azaan’s naked butt, I called him out to tell him to pull up his trousers and that’s when he turned around to see what I was telling him. He got my message pretty quick and pulled them up but little Ahmed had already made an unwelcome entrance in my life and I was left with two images in my head that I had to unsee. 


We spent some time in the beach playing with the football before proceeding to have lunch. That was just the day one of many to follow in which wet underwear would become an inseparable companion for most of us.  I am not going to attempt a chronological narration of our time in Goa because the level of ‘spirit’ and various elements of nature that was present in our systems and kept us afloat remained so even we crossed the borders back into Karnataka. Therefore, my recollection might not be impeccable (besides that, it has been 6 long years). 

Calangute Cup!

  • KV was intimidated by the kid 😛
  • …and then, Ronaldo Jr. himself showed up!


Goa is definitely a satisfying mixture of contrasting experiences. You go one way if you want to dance away into loud noisy music, and the other way if you want to retreat into the soothing sounds of nature. Reaching some destinations would mean raising your energy levels to its peak whereas you will be exhausted in pursuit of some. Some people in Goa mean only business while some of them care also about putting a tiny smile on the lips of customers they deal with. It is because of this contrast that Anshu got to leave Britto’s, one of the most expensive places that we ate at, with a cutlery holder that was on our table at the restaurant. On his defence, the waiter couldn’t have had much defense against Anshu’s puppy face when she asked if she could take it home. That was the second biggest thing for the girl in Goa, second only to the discovery of the pink framed sunglasses that someone had lost at the beach (or probably threw away. Seemed like a cheap pair😉 ). That was just one of the very few moments of our trip where we splurged as if we normally didn’t have to fall back to Maggi just to survive the last week of every other month. Soon enough, most of us, would distance ourselves from fancy restaurants and the cheapest options at McD and KFC kept us going while we were out. There was always noodles and egg at the apartment otherwise.

  • Cutlery holder is not seen because it is already in her bag. The good guy waiter is in the background 🙂
  • The Sunglass she found on the beach 😉


I don’t know what we were thinking. I also don’t know if it is a newbie mistake that every Goa virgin does. We decided to go to Shiva Valley club one of those nights. Even though I can’t recollect the exact amount that we had spent, I faintly remember that we had to pay a handsome entry fee, for a bunch of college students, just for getting inside the club area. Once we were inside, there was literally nothing on the menu, or in the food carts around the club, that could fit my pocket and I decided to skip dinner for the night. That was supposed to be a good thing since alcohol does wonders on empty stomach. At least, I thought so. No matter how much one can chug in, alcohol doesn’t stand a chance against the ambience that is created for people trippin on hard stuff. One will feel sobriety kicking in, the moment they step inside the jam packed dance floor where people vibe to the same, repetitive trance music. Almost sober and disappointed, we left the dancing area and walked towards the beach. The beach somewhat made up for the night with a lot of lovely people around and, so, we decided to chill out. Luckily for me, there were some food carts that sold bread omelette  and I didn’t have to go home hungry that night. Except for Azaan claiming to having seen some people making out in a nearby boat, nothing interesting happened that night otherwise.

  • Shobha Chirikkunnille? (Is Shobha not laughing?!)
  • Ajaan is not high! just fabulous!


It is not that I forgot to mention Fort Aguada, and the Churches. I didn’t find walking around these places under scorching sun, very exciting. Nevertheless, they were all worth the visit especially since the Basilica of BOM Jesus, Se Cathedral and the Church of St. Francis of Assisi are all in the same campus. I have got nothing more to say about these places than what Wikipedia has to offer. The sweet water lake near Arambol is an exception though. That place is worth the long walk that you have to take to reach there. The lake was relatively less crowded as compared to other places that we visited during the day. We spent a whole afternoon in the water and that was one of the chilled out afternoons I can remember.


One of us, definitely not me, had decided to do something to make up for the disappointment at Shiva Valley by enjoying a night at Club Cubana. It is supposedly one of the best clubs in Goa that can offer  a memorable experience to the visitors. Some of us too would have experienced that, on a couple’s night (I guess that was a Wednesday ), if our group wasn’t so disproportionate with 6 boys to one girl.  Anshu tried to negotiate our way into the club but the Russian guy at the reception wasn’t buying any bullshit that night. So, we headed back to the apartment after another disappointing night that was meant to de-disappoint us from the previous club experience. There is a little bit left to the Cubana story, but not before I tell you about this interesting pair that kinda happened to make an appearance in our story. Goa is supposedly a lovers’ paradise and there are plenty of offerings that are designed to bring two close people even closer. Ironically, we met a pair that came to Goa as a couple and went back as singles and the pair happened to be the friends of one of us. It was good to know that we weren’t the only people who could manage to do something disappointing even when in Goa.


We were preparing to start our drive back the next day but some of the club Cubana people were so determined that they wanted to get a taste of the experience before heading back to Bangalore. As I was almost out of cash, I couldn’t have gone even if I wished to, so I decided to stay back in the apartment with the other guys and chill out. Our stay ended on a Saturday morning and we had to pack things up and leave Goa with half of the bunch still hung over from the previous night. I drove Cijin’s Innova as he was in no state to stay upright behind the steering wheel. However, Sandeep was kind of stubborn as he wanted to drive his Polo himself back but eventually agreed to switch with Jince after a couple of close calls. Once you leave the inner circles of Goan roads, reality will slowly start kicking in and the cops, who normally ignore pretty much everything, will suddenly start implementing traffic rules out of the blue. Our Innova was stopped by Goan police shortly after leaving the city limits. 


The only question that I had in my head was about how much money the cops would demand. They definitely had no reason to let a car without registration and insurance go freely. The problem was that it didn’t matter how much money they demanded because we had only a little under 1000 rupees with us. We had filled fuel from Goa for the cheaper fuel prices but we still needed some money for us to eat during the drive back. After negotiating with the inspector for a little under ten minutes, he let me go after paying 500 rupees as “fine”. We had to spent most of what was left with us for lunch and by the time we had reached Yashwanthpur, we had only around 40 rupees left with the whole group. We decided to buy some bags of chips with it before reaching home.

The #Us


In a way, we must have known in our subconscious that we were driving back from probably one of our last such trips together. It might be the reason why we discussed about buying some properties together and heading back to Goa after our retirement. We talked about soaking under the sun sipping beers while we laze around in one of the fine Goan evenings. We must have also thought to ourselves that they were all just fantasies worth kindling until we got out of the hangover of the trip. We must have gotten practical and thought about moving on to newer fantasies in life. However, there are at least a few of us who still dwell in the past. Those of us who romanticize the memories and are on a constant lookout for the portal that can take us back to that land of nostalgia. The problem with such irrational fantasies is that, even if we managed to get on such a train back to the past,  we might be disappointed to disembark in a ghost town once we get there. Most characters, that made the stories memorable,  would have left that town for new destinations. 


No one is at fault. It is only because life is also about creating new stories and new memories and getting stuck in time is definitely not the right thing to do. Forward is the way to go. Just make sure that you are painting the trails in a million different colors as you go on because, years from now, when you lean back on that chair and look back, you would want to see those rainbows that can bring a smile on your lips. Don’t ever let those memories die!

Photo Booth

The Apartment

  • Am I not pretty??!!
  • Susu reacting to the imaginary conversation in his head where we are all showering praises on him for finding the cool apartment!
  • Anshu pretending that she knows what she is talking about.
  • Listen boys, I will show you why my Nokia E5 is really cool!
  • Ajaan is not high!

Flea Market

The Happy Faces

  • Wonder La looking at a photo of her and Susu from a parallel universe!
  • Ajaan is not high!
  • Chetta! Two Sawala Vadas pliss!

The Cijin

  • Lifting is the way to go!
  • Lifts!
  • Proves….
  • I mean, almost proves!
Cijin trying to prove that he is not drunk!

The Beachin!

  • I spotted a disability pug
  • Jince wanted a candid shot. Said he would pose!
  • Susu counting the sand grains!

When Azaan and doggo experienced a premature midlife crisis

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पच्चीस ninety nine

(4th Jul 2020)

Look at what I just found in my brother’s drawer.

I didn’t even know that we had a picture of this beauty with us until I discovered this old photo album of his.


One of my bucket list items is to be able to buy back the beloved ‘पच्चीस ninety nine’


Paachu chettan would teach a 11 year old me, sitting by his side on the edge of the driving seat, holding (hanging) on to the steering wheel, the initial lessons of driving on this one. I would control the steering wheel and shift gears while he controlled clutch, break, and accelerator and this practice would go on for nearly two years until I grew a couple of centimetres longer and was finally tall enough to reach the controls and be able to see the road at the same time.


The lessons were simple. He would teach me about things like acknowledgment ’honking’ – a way of expressing your gratitude to the truck/bus driver who made way for you to pass him on an upward climb. He promised me that I would get a honk back if I gave one and I still get a teeny tiny smile on my lips upon hearing such a honking sound even today.


I can barely remember him teaching any technical stuff (other than about checking radiator water level and engine oil level every morning. Yeah you had to check those and the battery ampere level every single day on a Jeep, before driving off, during those days. Managing to unlock and lock the bonnet clips with my tiny hands used to be a personal achievement back then). He somehow knew that the rest was bound to happen on its own eventually. He always had this laid back attitude around him and tons of stories to tell during the drives. He would lean back on the driving seat stretching his left arm behind my head over the front seats while puffing the cigarette in his right hand blowing the smoke out over his right shoulder with absolutely no trust issues about the ability of a 11 year old in keeping the steering wheel steady.


My mom would eventually fire him after she found out that he had  scammed my family, colluding with the workshop guy, for more than 50k. That was almost 14 years ago. A part of our life’s history that should have ended on a bitter note didn’t really end on one. 


I never heard anyone in my family Ever talk ill of him for what he did to us. Whenever his name popped up in our conversations occasionally, those conversations would only end with tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. Because this man had a never ending stock of funny stories and my family had way too many trips to make on a a Mahindra CL 500 MDI to listen to as many  such stories as possible.

We would do Kannur – Idukki – Kannur trip twice or thrice a year. We would drive to Chennai from Kannur to visit my brother, who was doing his under-graduation. All those trips on this machine and even during all those times it never bothered us that we used to have only two to three cassettes in the Jeep because the stories of Paachu chettan and the embarrassing songs of my father for us to listen to were many indeed.


This unconventional piece of joy ride had rolled its wheels through a significant part of my life digging a deep and long trail of sweet memories to look back and chuckle at. While I might have missed out on the stories that will have whiskey glasses along with roasted beef or pork on its bonnet during a chilly night on one of the lovely Idukki hilltops overlooking the enticing valleys, the rest of them are fondly mine to cherish.

To “KL 13 D 2599“

To Paachu chettan

To memories that never die


PS: I will have to say that I might have cooked up some parts of this story (for legal reasons)

PS: पच्चीस ninety nine was the tag line of a Maruti 800 advertisement in 2002 or 2003. They were selling it at an EMI of 2599 per month and our Jeep’s Registration was also same number. So I used to call it that.